Heart ache is exhausting. Maybe after going through a death in my family, I can empathize more with the families who lost their loved ones yesterday. I feel the pain that those parents and friends and siblings feel. I feel the anguish and horror that the emergency responders must have felt when they walked into that house. I feel it all so strongly and it makes me wonder if I would have felt it like this if Chelsea was still here. If I’ve never felt this type of grief before.
And now that I have felt it, I feel it so much for others.
And it’s exhausting.
A version for tumblr that can be read without opening a new tab, since plenty of people would scroll past this story otherwise.
Never take your rights, or your education, for granted. Happy International Women’s Day.
Growing up, my family didn’t have much. My dad worked his butt off to provide for us kids. My parents made a decision to have children young and quick. They had 4 kids in 5 years, before my mum turned 30. Some perspective: the average age of a first time mother in Calgary is 30.
Anyways. My mum stayed home with us and was always pregnant, always shouting(kindly if that’s even a thing), and always busy cooking or vacuuming or the like. We played so much. My entire childhood is playing. And although we had so much love from our parents, I was always jealous of the kids who got to go on fancy family vacations. Or the kids who had their own big rooms and new toys and new pretty clothes. Because we didn’t have a lot of those things. My dad worked so that my mum could stay home with us and give us that childhood of play. I never understood why we were poorer and I always felt envious of those people who were way more privileged than us. I slightly resented my parents for not being able to pay for my tuition. Or go halfsies on a down payment for a house.
And now I look at it through a different lens. My parents love us and gave us what we needed. Not what we wanted. And that’s a big difference. I have grown up seeing struggle and seeing how hard work pays off. I am paying off my student loan debt with pride that I am doing it myself. I’m saving for a house knowing that when we are ready to buy, that house will be completely ours without help from anyone else. And we will be much more proud of it.
I work for a wealthy family. Both parents earn really good salaries. They’re able to build a brand new house, build a gorgeous cabin in the woods, and grow knowing that they will not really run into money troubles. They have all of this and yet you would never know. They don’t strut around flaunting their money. They don’t compare cars and trips and fancy schools to make themselves look better. They are good, honest people. They value hard work, family, respect, and most of all, kindness. They have a social conscience. They are charitable. The raise their children without ignorance of the real struggles that most other people all around the world face. And the more I get to know this family, the more I see how my family was and is rich. We didn’t have much money but we have love and laughter and joy and we had what we need. And I think that’s what is most important.
I didn’t think it’s actually possible to love someone even more after you see them interacting with children.
When Cam and I were 16 we babysat a 6 month old baby. The youngest child I’ve ever taken care of. He cried the entire time. And seeing Cam hold him and feed him, it was like love at first sight.
Now that baby is 7 years old and he has a 5 year old brother.
We are taking care of them now and I swear I fall more in love with him each time I see him with the kids. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!? I honestly didn’t think I could love this guy any more.
Love how this suggests parenting differently for different types of children. Obvs there are heaps more than these types and lots of combos.
Ari is a mix of fun loving social and determined. Just like me.
What about yours?
if i was meryl streep i’d make sure every fucker on the planet knew i was meryl streep. i’d call up the pizza place like “hello, i’d like some pizza, for me, meryl streep. i am meryl streep. please deliver the pizza to meryl streep’s house, on meryl street. don’t take too long or i might fall a meryl sleep. thank you, from me, meryl streep.”
Since you left us. And so much has happened in that time. There are so many unanswered questions. So much time we didn’t get. I’m left with only brief small memories. But I will cherish them.
It’s so sad. And so unfortunate. Sigh.